Saturday, February 20, 2010

P-a-n-t-s ... + -l-e-s-s.

Let's talk about pants.

Men have wore them for the past few centuries. Before that, pants were formally known as breeches and were much, much tighter, and consequently, much, much more attention-grabbing (or they would be, if time-traveling were possible).

But now, women can wear pants, too. Equally tight, if not more so. Maybe a little loose, a little baggy.

Say what you will, but this demonic clothing type is restrictive, kind of like the disciplinary doctrines of Catholic elementary school.

Now, consider skirts or dresses. When spring hits, you can break out these comfy and quite feminine articles of clothing. You could do so now, in the dead of winter, but then you also feel inclined to purchase stockings or pantyhose, therefore defeating the purpose of the aerodynamics of dresses, & missing out on the reason as to why they are sheer awesomeness:


If it hasn't occurred to you yet, I am a big proponent of warm weather. They say mankind is more content when the flowers are in bloom and everyone can shed their layers, scarves, gloves, hats, mittens, hoodies, sweaters, so-called "puffer" jackets, trench coats, etc.

As a woman, you could just wear a dress, a single article of clothing--now, I am assuming you're wearing panties, perhaps a bra, too. Regardless, experience the liberation of feeling the sun's rays beating down on your uncovered legs (please wear sunscreen), the joy of a breeze upon your skin, the instant gratification of being able to shave your legs and actually have everyone recognize it.

This is true happiness. This is independence. This is ...

not going to happen for at least another two mind-numbingly cold months.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Food: Consoling Even the Worst of Worry-warts

Mmmm. Bagels.

They don't have them in Italy. Quite frankly, they don't need them in Italy; their stock of baked goods, pastries, and delectable treats could eradicate hunger in Haiti.

But still. Bagels.

The cure for depression, cibophobia, and frustration? Very likely. This breakfast food is liable to rid you of those Monday blues. Try a wheat bagel toasted with cinnamon rasin cream cheese. Remain in awe while your taste buds experience ecstasy like never before.

This particular Monday ended with the aforementioned statement. What a terrible blow to your academic self-esteem when, after a week's painstaking preparation, an Astronomy test does not go according to plan!

Sure. This occurrence does not mark the apocalypse or a permanent, heart-breaking change in your GPA; yet you muse about what might have happened had your handy-dandy calculator been by your side.

You also wonder what might happen if you stopped observing human behavior.

Consider the following: You see someone with whom you have recently been acquainted. You're walking toward one another. Suddenly, you are met with a debacle: do you say hello, meet his/her eyes, stop and chat, high-five, hug, or wave?

So many options present themselves within those 5 seconds.

You say hello: the receiver takes no notice and proceeds onward, while you are left feeling either indifferent or ignored (more precisely, decidedly stupid).

You meet his/her eyes: this action lasts a mind-blowing second, and then you're on your way to class.

You stop and chat: "Hello!" "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good, you?"... But you are still walking away and are out of proper ear-shot to respond...

You attempt a high-five: let's be serious, this rarely happens unless you are more acquainted with the subject.

You hug: how sweet, and cute, but is it one of those half-ass hugs, or squeezing-the-life-out-of-your-lungs hugs?

You wave: a pretty conventional decision you've just made! Simple, quick, and liable to receive the attention of the other, depending upon the vigor with which you gesture.

But why worry about human behavior when you could simply enjoy a heavy snack?

Mmm. Bagels.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Che cosa?

This blog is just about a few months old. Only three posts exist. Why?

Because during the past few months, I delved into the dark recesses of my mind in a valiant, but futile, attempt to find an interesting topic.

I can't think of a single subject.

Some under consideration ranged from very mundane to decidedly frivolous:

- the benefits of coffee
- the unattainable
- sunsets vs. sunrises
- prejudices
- snowmen revolts
- the greatness of Brandon Boyd
- Dresden's inability to purge itself of Nazism
- the creation of sporks
- laugh boxes
- Muse's theory to change/improve the world
- human behavior
- gobar gas plants
- trivia books
- science-fiction
- Valentine's Day, from the POV of the singles and the taken
- miscellaneous information
- the latest Disney animated princess flick
- competition
- "brambleberry"

...the list continues.

Maybe there doesn't need to be a focus. A "theme." Maybe the writing should be as such:

just polished my nails Oh my i do love the color purple, though this hasn't changed since Melissa colored my face that beautiful shade using sharpies in the first grade If Anne Frank survived the war would she still have published her diary or produced another work Dresden saddens me with its past Wow if that guy kissed me right now i'd probably faint from shock A solar system is a gravitationally-bound system composed of the Sun and all of its satellites If someone concocted that love potion from Harry Potter and attempted to seduce me using its power, then i would smell something akin to Arielle's hair pervading from the cauldron...oh yum The girls next to me are actually shorter than i am Why did J. D. Salinger have to pass away The cover for this issue's The New Yorker is so comical especially the (is that a...) baby elephant wrapped up in a sheep-like puffer jacket Hey I almost spelled 'elephant' wrong Why did TCNJ accept me again?

And the stupid banter continues.

I'm just expressing a point: who cares what I write here? More than likely,
1. No one will find this blog,
2. My own friends will be nice enough to avoid judgment, and
3. I'll clear up that muddle everyone creates in their own minds, you know, the muddle of ideas and thoughts and desires and fears. Sometimes you just need an exterminator for those crazy pests.

Cheers to 2010, the first actual year of this girl's blogging career.