Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Boxers, or Briefs: Women No Longer Need to Guess

Just recently, I went on a cruise to Bermuda. Yes, it was lovely. Yes, I met a ton of good-hearted people. Yes, the sand was indeed tinted pink.

But one of the many interesting segments of the trip involved an onboard comedian, who kept his act clean and managed to attain the attention of the audience. He submitted a few statements about my generation and the differences between his and our's. As I lay in our cabin that night, I started to conjure a few aspects that actually bugged me to the core about our generation. Don't dub me a Carrie Complainer, but some truly evident nuances about us just made me question "WHY?!" in the most agitated way.

1. Why do some boys feel the need to show their boxers and leave their pants hanging low, belt still intact? What is the use of that belt? And why not just wear your boxers outside of your pants if you're that interested in letting the public know if you're a Joe Boxer or Hanes proponent?

2. Why does "badass" have to be defined by rappers and hip-hop artists, who hold guns sideways and think this angle is the most efficient way of shooting? Isn't it harder to target someone or something? And what about their dance moves? They just move their arms in high, robotic manners, so where's the talent? Can't we return to the days of Mo-town?

3. Why is rap music even called music? Why is most of it about sex in the club, shooting up your brother, and earning money from drug-dealing? Did anyone notice how pessimistic and negative their lyrics are, that the message doesn't actually make you happy? When you attend their concerts, they just walk around stage and point in an authoritative manner: how do you still dance to this? Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but their lives must SUCK, despite the fact they live in mansions and actually pay to have real gold teeth?

4. Why is "emo" music becoming such a fad? Why does each singer from those bands, and each melody they create, sound the same? Why do we label that "music," when they whine about "oppression" & their "broken hearts" & only appeal to that group of unappreciative teenagers still going through puberty? If these kids synced some Temptations or even The Doors to their mp3 players, maybe their "depression" would disappear and they'd realize that more than half of them actually live the good life?

5. Why are we so addicted to Facebook? Yes, I have one, and who doesn't at my age, but how many of your Facebook friends out of 400, 500, 700, 1000, can you actually refer to as a "friend"? If we all weeded out our good friends on Facebook, wouldn't we be down to at least 50 people on whom we can rely, and do we avoid doing this entirely because we fear losing the popularity contest?

6. Why is dancing from the 2000's consisting of the ability to just pelvic thrust and to line dance? Where's the talent? I can grind just as well as the next girl, but I'm not going to deny how stupid I feel in comparison when I notice my mom and dad salsa dancing, or ballroom dancing, or even just doing the twist. When a guy asks you to dance at a party, why does he immediately grab your waist and turn you around so you aren't facing him and then proceeds to move his hips back and forth while pressing them to yours? How can you even form conversational topics when all you feel is that guy's erection?

7. Why is chivalry almost dead (and I'm not saying the independence of women is grossly unimportant, merely that the lack of respect we receive from the opposite sex, whether earned or not, is appalling)? Why do my boobs and vagina label me as just a commodity for a good portion of the male population? Sure, men of the early 19th century noticed our skinny waists (thank you, corsets) and thought, "That's the girl I want to marry," but they also pulled out our chairs, respected our space, refrained from always asking for a "blowie," and occassionally recited some half-decent poetry? Nowadays, if man not laid by woman by/during college, man big pussy.

Granted, none of the above include the positives about our generation. I will admit that those can be listed just as well and as often as the negatives.

But really, guys: why buys jeans with built-in boxers that reach right below your belly-button?

1 comment:

  1. Thoughts on number 7: because we have learned to be vocal about the fact that we are people and don't really need the help of men. But (many) men still don't view us as people, no matter how much we tell them, because people simply don't give up power very easily. So while they understand that we can indeed open a car door, they still don't quite understand the full implications of that reality.

    I actually think that the gross sexualization of women is somewhat of a reaction to women's liberation. The body is a powerful and intimate tool through which to control someone. Since we are controlled less by men politically and financially, those who still wish to practice control over women, I think, do it largely through sex. Liberation of and love for our bodies (regardless of male pleasure) is what I think feminism these days should really focus on...I think it's one of the last steps to real equality.